Internets

Yesterday some wrinkled, old, (or living-in-a-world-without-sunscreen) bitch called me a naive plebeian for believing that animals deserve the same respect as humans.
That is all.
No justification, just "Your argument is naive."

I don't know why but it's been ringing in my head all day. Her leathery face haunts me, I can just see her, giggling to herself, patting herself on the back for her oh so clever response.
Everyone else could see how poor it was, but she seemed so sure of it.

Maybe it's just the fact that I couldn't get her to even think about where I was coming from, it is still completely absurd to her that someone DARE compare a human life to a worthless pet. Something that, to me, is such a given.
Why should I matter more than my cats?
What have I ever done for society?

I like to argue on the internet, especially with people whose grammar and spelling is poor. It doesn't give me a head ache, at all.
I love ridiculous comebacks

I like that when I stand up for what I believe in, I get shot down as naive, especially when I plead my case articulately and that's all they have to say back.
/sarcasm

I seriously wrote an essay on why I believe what I believe, and why a human life is not more important than a "simple" house cats, which I can't be arsed to translate into English, and they wrote me off like that.
And... Plebe? Seriously?
Diss.

I have strong opinions, sometimes they aren't the most popular but I don't give a shit, they're my beliefs and if you try to convince me otherwise I will pick a fight.
I will be happy to tell you why you are wrong and I am right.
And if you belittle my point of view and don't have any reasoning, just turn to personal attacks, I will give you the same respect.
I'll just be wittier.

A little venting

I feel a bit weak and vulnerable right now, and my mind's racing, I feel the need to sort some of these thoughts out so I thought, why not just do a blog instead of writing in a journal I'm going to put in a box and forget about?

My problem has always been the masks I put up. I've been in therapy for years and never really made any real progress because I carry myself too well, I hide the fact that I'm broken down and pretend everything's better than it really is. I have insane mood swings, and I never seem to have therapy sessions during low points, it's always when I'm doing well, then when I'm sad I cover it up with silliness and laughter.

I act like a total clown all the time, especially when I'm sad. I hardly ever tell anyone or let it show, I've only cried in front of a handful of people, ever. If you've ever seen me cry consider yourself special because it means I must really trust you!

The only emotion I have a constructive way of dealing with is anger. I write, I sing, I draw the people I'm mad at, I've done this since I was a kid, I had a whole notebook of drawings of how I was planning on killing one of my teachers! Not really that productive but at least it's a way of venting, one that I don't have for sadness.
I'm actually quite good at drawing caricatures of people I hate though...

I just don't like the idea of people seeing me weak, and I hate the idea that I'm depressed for no reason.
I hate feeling like I'm whining and dragging everyone down around me.

What bothers me the most is not knowing WHY. Why am I sad? Why do I feel so disgusted with myself sometimes?
Even when everything is going great, I have an amazing boyfriend, the best friends in the world, incredibly supportive parents who would do anything for me, I have no reason to feel depressed but I just do, like an ungrateful little brat.
That's why I don't like to talk about it, especially when people try to drag it out of me,
"WHY ARE YOU SAD?"
I honestly don't now!

And I have to be in a really special mood to really think about it or talk about it, like right now, yesterday I was really down but I couldn't put it into words, I just shouted at people randomly and had outbursts of annoyance, now there's nothing distracting me so I have time to really dig into my emotions and sort through them.
I have an easier time writing things down than talking to someone, so I guess I'm killing two birds with one stone.

This way, I can edit myself too, and not make too much of an ass of myself!

But I think this is enough sharing for today, I think this mood calls for really soft pajamas and a movie?